Khorne & Nurgle Have Fun!
by R-Alex-J
Summary: Following a discussion on Quora here: /Are-there-equal-rights-in-the-Warhammer-40k-universe , I decided to use the comment threat on one of the answers as the basis for a fanfic. This features the Gheistos Cataclysm, detailed in the 5th edition rulebook, from Khorne's point of view. He must work with Nurgle to take this world but will they get along?
1. Chapter 1

Finally, the battle with the Barghesi was over. Finally, the soldiers of the Blood God could rest. The Blood God himself would bless them and the Blood God knew that. " **Well done, Commander Glucon** ," Khorne said from his realm. " **This is your greatest victory after a long line. In exchange for the blood you spill, I elevate you. Welcome to daemonhood**."

On a rogue planet by the Grendel Stars, the Space Marine leader, his armour lost and his body seeping with fluid, laughed. His mortal, albeit enhanced, shell cracked and shivered as the energy of the Warp spilled into him. In a blink, a 12ft crimson behemoth stood where Glucon had been lying and roared, "THIS IS MY WORLD! IN THE NAME OF KHORNE, I DEDICATE THIS WORLD TO SLAUGHTER! MY FRIENDS, GO! ENJOY YOURSELVES ELSEWHERE!"

"Commander?" an Berserker asked.

"YOU MUST LEAVE ME! I AM THE GOD OF THIS PLANET. ITS PEOPLE ARE MINE! WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE! GET OUT!"

* * *

Khorne smiled at the gain of a new servant. Sure, the new servant was lower than his new peers, not that many of them would tell him that, but good work must be rewarded. The colossal warrior sat back on his throne, built from the skulls of the fallen, and gazed over his realm. How satisfying to see the red skies, the beasts in the cages, the eternal forges, and the rivers of blood. The flow was steady, the power strong. Blood came to the Blood God. What could possibly go wrong. " **Avicenna! How dare you intrude!** "

The transparent form of a bloated, green-brown, lump of flesh hovered before Khorne's eyes. " **Greetings, Joan. I have a proposition. I will decay and infect an agri world, or would if my minions had been useful**."

" **Why should I care? Will there be blood? Have you asked the other two?** "

" **Jeremy and Sun Tzu both refused. In fact, I think Tzu's planning something big.** "

" **He's always planning something big and planning for the plan to fail.** "

" **Yes, he ignored me. However, he is Tzeentch so he probably wouldn't help anyway. Bentham just refused but I think he secretly wants to send his Daemons to slaughter farmers.** "

" **Nurgle, you and Slaanesh can slaughter all the farmers you like. Will there be proper enemies?** "

" **Yes, Joan, there will. There's Arbites, PDF, Sororitas, and the Vorpal Swords are nearby.** "

" **I will give you aid. However, I will consult my sources first to see what your situation is.** "

Khorne sighed as Nurgle vanished. His mouth opened and sever hundred Imperial Astropaths died at that moment. " **Doombreed! Skulltaker! Ka'Bandha! Angron! Thorgar! Valkia!** " The Blood God paused and two more words came out, unusually cautiously. " **Gork! Mork!** "

With the help of his splinters, his raised mortals, and the two green brutes, Khorne could now simulate in his mind what happened. He entered his mind.

* * *

"Oh no," he said as he looked down at himself or rather herself. "I'm Joan the Maid again."

In the body of a human teenage girl encased in armour and carrying a banner showing 5 lilies, Khorne walked through the vision. She was on a farm, an abattoir. Beasts, some with hooves, some with horns, and some resembling cows, made their last journey. The animals became meat, sliced into bits, and their blood drained into buckets. Khorne smiled but she would've preferred the cows to have a decent chance of survival. They were in a battle they could not win. The gain of blood would be less.

"How the konx are you late again?" someone screamed. Khorne saw that the speaker was a slight man wearing a blood-stained apron. "You must be the laziest ufer on Gheistos!"

Khorne again smiled but with reservations. The show of blood was great but leaving an apron unclean was unhygienic and so could empower Nurgle. But she remembered that Nurgle had attacked this world first, so waited to see what happened. "Hold on, that headache that boy has. He's a psyker. If that boss beats him, he could... He has."

The boy, a twelve-year old weakling, swore. Khorne winced- Joan hated swearing and that was the third swear word- but realised that the boy hadn't sworn in Gothic. It was a Daemon portal activator.

Millions of flies materialised as the air took the form of shattered glass. In fact, reality itself had shattered. The flies, massive and with a face like that of the boy, surrounded the pair of mortals. Seconds later, they were nothing more than a heaving mass of flesh. The first green cyclops emerged.

Khorne stepped outside and took a seat. She recalled that Joan had never shed blood but was still responsible directly for the deaths of thousands and indirectly for millions. She still wondered if Doombreed should have been Khorne, since he was around two hundred years before Joan, and if she should have become a simple Daemon, but that was the way of the Warp.

It was ironic that for all the Daemonic snobbery about Daemon Princes not being real Daemons because they were once human, that the Daemonic progenitors were once human themselves. The swirling energy from the War in Heaven and, millennia later, the Fall of the Eldar had indeed formed into intelligent beings but that energy needed a solid basis. Humanity may have been a bunch of apes on a small blue dot but the psychic potential made human souls perfect. From throughout time, the Warp turned at least 4 human souls into the Chaos Gods. All except Tzeentch- formerly Sun Tzu- had formed before their human selves had been born. Two versions of the same being coexisting- that was nothing special in the Warp. Such paradoxes happened all the time.

Joan would have preferred being a mere Daemon- they get to go into realspace- but she was happy being the Blood God himself. It helped that she knew Joan of Arc could never have become a Khornate Daemon Prince due to her low kill rate compared to Angron and the others. The only way for Joan of Arc into the realm of Khorne other than becoming Khorne himself would have been for her to become one of the lost souls slaving in the Daemon Forges.

Khorne's concentration broke as she saw that the flies had turned everyone in the abattoir and the nearby homes into Plague Zombies. Again, Khorne had a problem. Nurgle was depriving mortals of their free will. Khorne loved everyone having free will, except Spawn scum. Nevertheless, the Plaguebearers and the Zombies would soon break through the complex perimeter.

"ALERT! QUARANTINE! THIS FACILITY IS UNDER QUARANTINE!"

Khorne knew that in minutes, the Adeptus Arbites would turn up. The Blood God knew that the toy soldiers probably could delay Nurgle's troops but that they'd need the real soldiers of the Planetary Defence Force to truly defeat the Daemon hordes. "Ah yes, the Order of the Bloody Rose is here. I like them."

Indeed, the regular soldiers massacred the Zombies and kept the Daemons out of the town centre. Blood red power armour and white helmets heralded the arrival of the Sisters of Battle. Flame and bolts banished the last of the Daemons, with help from sinners swinging chainswords. "I love these girls," Khorne whispered. "They remind me of someone else."

* * *

Returning to the present, Khorne found himself back in his normal form and pointed to the planet Gheistos in the Map of Violence. This parchment of numerous mortal flesh showed in blood whatever Khorne wanted to show his children. " **I will aid Nurgle in opening up a larger portal. Prepare to attack.** "

Several Bloodletters looked at each other. Khorne decided to put everything in another way. " **Go! Enjoy yourselves!** "


	2. Chapter 2

Bloodletters and Plaguebearers stalked the farms and streets of Gheistos together. Humans froze with shock as putrid one-eyes and furry beasts faded into existence in their shops, in their schools, and even in their homes. The result was obvious but while the servants of Nurgle revelled in the slaughter, the beasts felt uncomfortable at not finding worthy foes. Killing schoolchildren was alright to a degree but they knew their progenitor wanted them to kill real warriors.

" **Champion Sang'Fa** ," the Blood God's voice called, " **take your troops north. The Order of the Bloody Rose waits.** "

While his soldiers carved their way through screaming crowds, Khorne projected into Nurgle's filthy garden to ask " **Avicenna, how goes your plague?** "

" **Satisfactory,"** the unclean being gloated. **"I aim to test out new theories here.** "

" **Why, when you have Isha?** "

Nurgle hesitated. " **I won't let Isha go. She's brilliant.** "

" **You sound like Jeremy. My soldiers on Gheistos are going to take out the Sororitas.** "

" **They should hurry. The Imperial Governor's Astropath sent out a distress hymn.** "

" **The Astartes will come! Brilliant! You should know something too. Your Plaguebearers surrounding the Governor's dome?** "

" **Yes, they'll break in soon.** "

" **The PDF are coming for them. Be prepared.** "

* * *

Khorne sat back. He longed to go out there but he was stuck, as always, in the Warp. He was too powerful to go outside and once again wished that he, Joan the Maid, could swap with Daemon Prince Doombreed, whoever he used to be. He guessed that was the price of Joan not killing anyone personally- he'd have to spend forever not killing anyone either. Or would he?

Khorne projected into Sang'Fa to get a vision of the battlefield. He would see what the Bloodletter Champion saw.

A line of Sororitas had taken cover behind sandbags and wrecked lorries. Their crimson armour and white helmets drew the Daemons closer, as they knew their progenitor was fond of these beings, the Order of the Bloody Rose. To take their skulls and souls would get them favour.

As the Daemons came into range, the holy warriors unleashed every bolt, every melta ray, and every flame they could bring to the fore. Bloodletters burst instantly but more kept going. The first Bloodcrusher beast charged forward and sent Sisters flying.

" **Hold it,"** Khorne ordered. " **I have an idea. Everyone, follow my chant.** "

Words spilled from the Bloodletters' mouths as they deflected the Sisters' attacks but did not kill them. Several Daemons fell and vanished. In fact, it looked like the mortals would kill all the Daemons after all...

"Blood for the Blood God!" the Sister Palatine called.

"Skulls for the Skull Throne!" the others shouted.

"What next?" Sang'Fa asked.

" **You and your new friends shall scour this settlement clean. Take all the blood. Champion Hau'Aa is heading for the Governor.** "

* * *

" **Skarbrand?** " Khorne thought. " **No! Don't come here! Do not... He's here. The treacherous fool. I gave life to him and then he made me rip his wings off. But he's holding off the PDF. Well done!** "

With the help of the Greater Daemon, tides of diseased creatures broke through the dome's doors and infected the very building with the Black Pox. Soon, the governor was one more Zombie. Even when the green power armour signalled the arrival of the Vorpal Swords, Khorne remained confident. He remembered that following the birth of the Great Pervert, the Vorpal Swords were one of several Chapters wrongly accused of 'heresy' by the Corpse-God's lackeys and so had to spend aeons crusading to free the worlds taken by Slaanesh, so Khorne and the Vorpal Swords had an archenemy in common. Those years were a great spectator sport for the Blood God.

Bloodletters, Flesh Hounds, and Bloodcrushers could all take on Space Marines, especially with the aid of the centauroid machine known as a Soulcrusher. The Bloodletter Ta'Ooops was the operator of the crab-like walker and the big guns shot a few drop pods straight out of the sky after the initial landing. That the Space Marines killed the Furies Khorne had enslaved for this battle with ease only gave the Bloodletters more confidence. The corrupted Order of the Bloody Rose arrived at the main drop point to reinforce the Daemons. "Blessed day," the Palatine said. "We've been sent good weather."

Champion Yua'Pow refused to answer. He had no desire to speak mortal jibber-jabber. He listened to the Sisters talk. Some gossiped, some gloated, but all were definitely Khornate soldiers now. Thanks to the direct intervention of the progenitor, they'd been corrupted and converted in 3 minutes rather than 3 days. Yua'Pow cared not for their human trivia however, just any tactical information they might let slip. Sadly, there was nothing he didn't already know.

"Can you enhance our weapons?" the Palatine asked.

"Huh," Yua'Pow grunted. He waved his claws meaninglessly.

"Blessed be his bounty."

The Champion turned back to the advancing Space Marines. The first Whirlwind missile hit. It would be tough but the fact remained that there were worthy opponents! What could possibly go wrong?

" **Do not ask that question!** " Khorne ordered his champions.

* * *

" **What's this?** "

Khorne saw the first Daemonette arrive on the planet. Soon, there'd be thousands of depraved, filthy twats on the same planet as his clean and efficient soldiers. " **AVICENNA!** "

" **Yes?** " asked the transparent avatar.

" **Why am I seeing Jeremy Bentham's servants here? How did Slaanesh get involved?** "

" **I thought that with the Space Marines backing the defenders up that we could use some extra help.** "

" **I will give you extra help! I'll take out the human defenders and leave only the Vorpal Swords!** "

" **Please, do so.** "

Khorne was about to get off his throne and go into a full rage but an idea popped into his mind. " **Nurgle, see who dooms your breeding ground!** "

The colossus of the Blood God sat down and the small form of Joan of Arc appeared by a river of blood. Further, Joan's form was not that of an armoured knight but as the original peasant girl, with the same dress and with the same long hair. However, she carried her sword. It wasn't the huge sword of the Blood God but the colossal form would slash down at the same time. This was just for show. "Die! Die!" She slashed down.

The skies of Gheistos cracked. For a second, everyone who looked up saw the swirling shades of the Warp. Then torrents of boiling blood spilled out and flooded the planet. Red and blue liquid steamed everyone it touched and burnt them to the bone Seconds later, only the Servants of Khorne and the Vorpal Swords remained to fight. When tides of screaming skulls praising the Blood God joined the flood, any mortal still alive clawed their own eyes out in desperation. They soon joined the burnt and partially vaporised corpses littering the planet.

"I no longer care who wins, Avicenna," Khorne said through Joan's mouth. "I will come out on top."

However, the arrival of the Inquisition and their Space Marines ended the conflict. The Grey Knights swiftly removed all the Daemons and scoured the planet clean with cyclonic torpedoes. If it was any consolation, Khorne's armies had lasted the longest. " **At least the others didn't get this planet instead.** "

* * *

" **We would have won were it not for your anger!** " Nurgle screamed.

" **Once again, you show why you're a liability,** " Slaanesh whispered.

" **I honour my agreements** ," Khorne said calmly. " **I do not appreciate any compromise. Sun Tzu, do you have anything to say?** "

" **No,** " Tzeentch said. " **I'm fine.** "


End file.
